Feels Good To Be Working

Earlier today I traveled down to enjoy a great Easter Sunday with friends and family down by Worley, a small town that most people can't find on the map. The funny thing is there's no reason they would want to find it. However, it is a beautiful area in its own right, full of memories of long cold days spent hunting various creatures. But where was I, oh yeah, this afternoon.

As is the standing tradition with any great American holiday, there was a ton of good food. Seriously, I'm still stuffed six hours later.

But is was nice to have a day off from work. Oh yeah, that's the other big story lately with me. I got a job at the local home improvement store here in town. It's awesome to be working again. It was nearly getting to the point where there was no practical reason to get out of bed in the morning (or afternoon, as the case was) but now it's as if my life had purpose once more.

It's a fun job, to say the least. I work the lawn and garden department, so I get to be on my feet most of the day, as well as being out in the sun all summer instead of stuck behind a desk. I hate desk jobs, and although I suspect I may have once in the future, I'm not exactly counting down the days until I get there. I prefer the weather and staying on the move. Also I get to use the forklift, which I admit is rather fun.

I have yet to experience the joy of a paycheck yet, but I'm sure it will be as glorious as I imagine it. That's next week though. I'm already looking at a motorcycle of some kind. A few minor random bills aside, I'm hoping I can get one for this summer and part of the fall, such as Idaho will allow. Who knows, if we get another winter like this last one I'll be able to ride all year round.

Seriously though, after this last "winter", I hope we get freakin' buried next season. If I had wanted a dry winter, I would have stayed in Whittier.

"So... Nice Weather We're Having"

Since my roommates happened to all be out of town today, I decided to get out and do what I love to do, go for a helluva long walk. I parked down at the college and spent the next four hours walking around downtown and Fernan. I find it very freeing, especially at night. However, the warm weather was too good to pass up.

I ran into quite a few people I knew just out and about, both good friends and vague acquaintances. I suppose that's why I love Cd'A. There's always somebody you're bound to meet at random.

Also had a couple things on my mind. If you haven't tried it, walking is the best way to filter out the world and really reflect. The rhythm of your steps can be a real stress relief. I prefer walking late at night when there are less people out, the air is cooler, and the quiet allows you a privacy rarely found during the daytime.

I'm starting to like this early Spring/Summer we have going on. After all, the peaceful atmosphere is thrown out the window completely when you're fighting through two feet of snow.

Trust me, I've been there. lol

Where I've Been. Where I'm Headed.

"I construct my memories with my present. I am lost, abandoned in the present. I try in vain to rejoin the past: I cannot escape."

Jean-Paul Sartre wrote this in his novel Nausea. It's a wonderful read, and really satiates the mind as all great books do which deal with the meaning of all this. I may not be a huge reader, but it's still important to appreciate the classics.

More importantly (the quote gave me a laugh when I read it), Sartre seems to have perfectly captured my last few months in a sentence. Seriously.

Since last October, I've removed myself from many of my friends and loved ones. It was a purposeful choice almost; I just needed to get away. I needed to really sit down, catch my breath, and analyze my life and where I am taking it.

What I discovered was a bit of an eye-opener for me.

Obviously we were created with a taste for nostalgia. Each and every one of us tends to dwell on the past to one degree or another. I tend to dwell on it too much. But this was different: this period of self-exile. I had to ask myself some hard and (frankly) painful questions. What have I actually done with my life so far? Where do I want to be twenty years from now? Is it better to be successful in life or to be happy, should I be forced to choose?

In the end, the answers were quite clear. Of all the miserable people I know in this world, the overwhelming majority of them said their biggest regret was never summoning the courage to do what they wanted to in life career-wise.

You could say I've taken this to heart. Frankly, I'm sick of regrets. I'm barely 21 years old and I already have a truckload of them piled up. The last thing I need is another one that will haunt me the rest of my life.

So after much personal discovery, I've realized that I was given a calling to be a Marine. Maybe for a few years. Maybe for a lifetime. I can't say yet. But what I do know is that I am tired of running from this. I've been scared and juvenile about the whole matter, but no more.

So if you're still reading this then welcome. I'm resurrecting my old blog that I abandoned a while ago for no good reason. I want to write regularly throughout the summer, after which I plan to enlist. After that happens, well, I expect my posts to get more interesting.